'Tis the season, the season of holiday parties that is; we ourselves attended a lovely little holiday shindig this past weekend. However, not all holiday invitations are welcome and our condolences go out to those of you attending awkward office holiday parties this coming week. If we knew how to make the forced conversation and awkward Secret Santa exchange more tolerable, we would surely advise. But all we have to offer is the following imaginative list of fictional soirees we would like to attend as guests of our favourite fictional friends.
Dillon Panthers Holiday Kegger
This is a fully fictitious, yet entirely plausible event. Sadly, as that pesky high school football season only runs from late August to October we never really had the pleasure of witnessing how the folks in Dillon, Texas celebrated the holiday season. Our hearts tell us they would have done it right and we know that the Friday after school let out for holiday break Riggins and the rest of the boys would be throwing together a party. We'd go of course, and much like Julie Taylor did at that anti-formal kegger, drink too much and make a pass at Tim. We would also joke around with Landry Clark, try desperately to befriend Tyra Collette and exchange friendly, yet meaningful gifts with Saracen. Near the end of the festivities, in a perfect world, Coach would catch wind of some misbehaving and come over to break it up, and through his disappointment he'd treat us with respect, inspiring us and wishing us a safe and happy holiday. And we're pretty sure Coach would let us stay at his house if need be.
Sterling Cooper Draper Price Holiday Party
We know what you are thinking here, yes someone got slightly injured that one time, but we are willing to move past it, if you are. This holiday bash is certain to be a gas, if not full-on debauchery. Here are some things to look forward to: the guaranteed open bar over flowing with gimlets and old fashioneds, sitting on Roger Sterling’s lap as he is dressed as Santa and partaking in a conga line enthusiastically led by Joan. Also, the next day rumour mill would be diabolical. Don't lie, you'd love to speculate around the water cooler as to who subtly slipped into Mr. Drapers office, who Peggy took home and why Pete was sulking in the corner, all the while hoping no one noticed the less than innocent kiss you and Roger shared under the mistletoe.
Christmas at Fangtasia
In our imagination, Pam working with some sort of alternative motives has forced Eric to host some sort of holiday inspired event at Fangtasia and we want to be on the guest list. Yes, there is the lingering threat of death and possibility of getting thrown into that crazy underground torture chamber, but it is already decorated with the appropriate Christmas colours! Also the prospect of Eric revisiting any sort of former Christmas spirit he may have had is well worth it, and if we meet him under some sort of sadistic mistletoe so be it. We are a very accepting duo, willing to mingle with the vamps and experience something new, if not during the holidays, then when?
Ludachristmas
Ludachristmas is the annual celebration thrown by the TGS writers, where Frank puts on a delightfully festive hat, Jenna sings show tunes, Tracey hopefully is allowed to drink and we assume Liz Lemon annually brings a platter of her night cheese. Sounds as amazing as Tracey Jordan is at everything. We’d show up hoping it would turn out to be a Kenneth Parcels rager circa Season 1. Grizz and Dot Com you better watch out.
Pawnee Parks Department Christmas Party
Yes, entertainment 720 may have gone under this year, but we in no way believe that this is stopping Tom Haverford from putting together an amazing holiday party, presumably at the Snakehole Lounge. Andy’s band will play Christmas-inspired metal, Jean-Ralphio will hit on you, you’ll share a drink with Donna, Leslie and Ann then later make a mockery of the whole thing with the one and only Ron Swanson. Also, you know that this group is partaking in some sort of white elephant gift exchange and Ms. Knope herself is sending you home with something insanely amazing.
Neptune High Winter Dance
We cannot imagine a better way to spend a holiday party than assisting Veronica Mars crack some sort of winter themed case. Actually we have been discussing this for quite some time now. We realize it isn't Veronica's style to attend such a mainstream event, but we imagine Logan asking her to be his date and she begrudgingly accepts, but only because her collected evidence has led her directly to the suspicious DJ with a criminal record hired by the school. We would then help Veronica set up a complicated sting resulting in an impressive arrest and end the night dancing under a fake snowfall with our betrotheds, as Veronica sends us a quick "thanks for the backup" smile our way.
Imaginatively yours,
Us
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