Even if you won't admit it, this is a familiar scenario: You're 15 episodes deep into a binge watch, but have a cursed social commitment. Instead of cancelling, you forcibly tear yourself away from the TV set. Regardless of being out socializing in civilization, all you can focus on is what you might be missing at Pope and Associates!!
Yes friends, TV is a cruel mistress and honestly we wish we had advice to bestow on how to skillfully avoid the above scenario. What we do have, however, is a list of TV grievances that will snap you back to reality! Prepare to have your mind blown and we apologize in advance for shattering any illusions.
10. When people never have time to eat that delicious breakfast (insert any daily meal here really), yet seem to have an abundance of free time before work and/or school.
TV Land: Five different types of pancakes mystically appear, complimented with bacon/sausage combo plus toast and brewed coffee. Everyone nonchalantly walks past them to get on with their storyline of the week (which generally includes roughly 3 dramatic happenings before the work day commences, presumably at 11 am??). There is no sign of dirty dishes.
Reality: You generally opt for 15 minutes of extra sleep thus barely have time to toast a piece of bread in the am. On the off chance you want to wake up at 5 am to cook, everything is burnt, you're obviously late AND you forgo the clean up of this failed attempt for days.
9. When couples face a forgotten anniversary or partner's birthday.
TV Land: Husbands forget anniversaries and birthdays like they are Jessica Simpson hits.
Reality: You talk about plans months in advance; particularly milestone occasions (also, why have family and friends failed to inquire about what special things you've got planned?!) If you're expecting a vacation or extravagant party: venues must be picked, vacation time requested and you've likely (annoyingly) been posting a countdown on your Facebook for weeks. This guy had no chance at forgetting.
8. When people just order "beer."
TV Land: There is a universally good tasting alcohol on tap called "beer".
Reality: Waitress looks at you impatiently like you're from another country, waiting for you to identify Molson, Heineken, Stella, et al. We realize that this is likely a TV tactic to avoid brand names/unpaid product placement, but come on! They could at least specify the type of beer i.e. light, IPA, pilsner.
7. When people make a date and "I'll pick you up at 8" is the only detail provided.
TV Land: You get asked out on a date and proceed to telepathically provide your phone number along with home address and/or meeting spot.
Reality: You'd never ever go on a date, as you'd have no idea where to go.
6. Not reminiscing.
TV Land: Crazy, often unbelievable things happen. You never discuss them again.
Reality: You talk about things for years and find any excuse to bring it up in conversation. This is one of human nature's most irritating features.
5. When people have a total of zero random friends, yet manage to throw parties constantly chalk full of guests.
TV Land: You spend your time exclusively with five people max, but when you and the gang decide to host a function, it's the most happening event in decades. You do, however, continue to only socialize with each other while others mingle (we admit, this is marginally realistic).
Reality: Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if you've alienated everyone outside your best friend tier in the past few years don't expect a full house. What these folks are doing is pretending that that Facebook invite was just a mirage. Worst case scenario: random guy from your college dorm that you didn't intend to invite is totally free.
4. When it takes no time at all to recover from a broken engagement.
TV Land: You got engaged to the love of your life! It doesn't work out. Next week you're on a date.
Reality: Sweatpants, tears and heartbreak induced weight fluctuation for months.
3. When no one ever has to go to the bathroom.
TV Land: (Possible Exception) comic relief.
Reality: This is virtually the only way to break up that boring day at the office.
2. The ever revolving sibling door.
TV Land: Siblings appear out of thin air, cause their own brand of mischief and then disappear forever.
Reality: You're stuck with them for life.
1. When people don't know how to do laundry.
TV Land: "Yikes! You have to separate your whites from your colours?!" (said while folding all pink clothing).
Reality: You've watched enough TV to know better.
Geeze, real life is so mundane.
Happy Monday, folks!
10 TV Grievances (and why they remind us that television could, sadly, never be reality)
