Morning After: The Academy Awards

So, the Super Bowl of award shows has come and gone, and after a tight race of highs and lows, the Oscars once again culminated the season in tears, laughs and cringe worthy moments that are best enjoyed over a glass of wine and a profusion of cheeses (we aren’t feeling the best this morning...)

Like many of you we gathered to criticize, laugh and squabble over many ridiculous things, including, but not limited to, a fake Ryan Gosling sighting (NOTE: yelling out Ryan Gosling! when you actually mean Ryan Seacrest is NOT okay). Below is what we could hastily agree upon:

Best Dressed Female: Jessica Chastain in Alexander McQueen. The fit of this dress is impeccable; her hair and makeup looked auhmahzing.
Honourable Mentions: Penelope Cruz in Giorgio Armani; yes this looked a little crown princess of Spain, but we can't complain because she looks impeccable. Octavia Spencer in Tadashi Shoji; the fit on this dress is stellar and it is doing exactly what it should be doing.

Best Dressed Female, if this was 1995 and a Miss Louisiana pageant: Stacey Keibler in Marchesa. The only part of this we liked was her only accessory that mattered, beau George.

Best Dressed Male: Brad Pitt
Honourable mentions: Jonah Hill. Post Golden Globes and Moneyball one of us is in hot pursuit of a Jonah Hill romance so this look oddly got one girls heart racing; judge if you must and we also adored Jason Segal; looking dashing in a slim fit navy tux.

Best Couple: Viola Davis in Vera Wang and husband Julius Tennon, who much to our praise urged her to rock her natural, wig-less hair last night. Yes! Loved it.
Honourable mentions: Miss Piggy and Kermit. Obviously.

Worst Female: Rooney Mara, aging her boobs by the decade in Givenchy.
Dishonourable Mentions: Shailene Woodley in Valentino Couture, Judy Greer in Monique Lhuillier and Sandra Bullock in Marchesa; although the look is indeed interesting we can’t help but find the spindly embellishments look to resemble creepy seaweed fingers reaching for her tummy.

Worst Couple: Colin Firth and wife Livia Giuggioli in Valentino; never ever do we like to speak ill of Colin Firth, but his wife's questionable over the shoulder boulder holder looked insane, and the lack of cleavage has left us unsettled. He shouldn't have let this happen. Don’t. Get. It.

Red carpet moment we didn’t need to see: Diddy getting groomed by his assistant and possibly instagraming a photo of himself pre-carpet. Although discovered Diddy indeed has Instagram, so that’s a win. Followed!

Red carpet moment we need to see again: Sacha Baron Cohen dressed as “The Dictator” spilling Kim Jong-il ashes onto Ryan Minicrest! Poor Ryan's rage filled head looked like it was going to pop right off. Brilliant. Also shout out to Chris Harrison for giggling like a school girl in the background.

Best Look A-Likes: Tina Fey pilfering JLo’s styles with a four (possibly six!) inch bun and bouffant.
Honourable mentions: Melanie Griffith jarringly revealing what Meg Ryan will look like in 5 years time (clue: basically more haggard), one of Sacha Baron Cohen’s chicks looking suspiciously like Lana Del Rey and that women who looked exactly like Donatella Versace – auhmahzing.

Biggest disaster: Jennifer Lopez. That Zuhair Mourad dress accentuated the hips far too much while acting as a possible catalyst to an inevitable nip slip and the slits in her sleeves made her arms look like cased sausages with a tear. Her onstage appearance with Cameron Diaz exuded ditziness, and showing their unevenly matched derrieres was obnoxious. Also was this really the place to promote American Idol? I dare say no.

Best accessories: Whether vintage or modern Tiffany's, Michelle Williams, Penelope Cruz, Cameron Diaz dazzled in delicate platinum diamond necklaces that we are still coveting.

Worst accessories: Bradley Coopers fully grown stache, ew. Again, we do not accept. Gwyneth Paltrows Tom Ford cape, loved the dress could do without the cape.

Best moment: Christopher Plummer. [To the Oscar statue]: You're only two years older than me darling, where have you been all my life? Dear Mr. Plummer, First and foremost you are looking auhmahzing (velvet tux!) and have won our hearts every time. You are a true gentleman.
Honourable mentions: Jim Rash impersonating Angelina's bazaar leg flashing go-to pose and Emma Stone enjoying the hell out of the Oscars (we like to believe we’d be just as charming ...)

Worst Moment: Being unable to hear and/or follow Billy Crystal’s opening monologue. Also, he looked insane as Tin Tin.

Surprise Hottie: Tate Taylor, director of The Help stepping in front of the camera to reveal his fine self; did everyone else’s twitter feed blow up when that guy swooped into Octavia Spencer’s seat when she won?

Surprise, you’ve had Botox: Billy Crystal and Tom Cruise. Boys, something was a little off, you were looking awfully “fresh-faced.”

Weirdest limb: Angelina Jolie's leg. Why does your leg look 85? And why did you have to show it to us? We get it; your dress has a slit. Congratulations.

Winningly yours,

No comments :

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...