Our stream of consciousness LIVE! during the finale ...
Ben's Family: Lindzi vs. Courtney
Time Out #1
Questions, comments and concerns for Lindzi (... the F@#$?) after meeting Ben's Family
1. You said you don't normally think about what people think about you when you first meet. Sorry so what do you think about?
2. We are sorry you had that angry zit.
3. Please provide us with a rough estimate of how long it takes for you to wash off that eye liner.
4. Ben's sisters, what is that sweater?
Time Out #2
1. Ben's mother appears to be a poor man's Martha Stewart.
2. Why is Courtney wearing that stupid high waisted dress? Courtney, you are not a 5-year old, teaching moment.
3. Again, Ben's sister, honey, that is not your sweater.
Time Out #3
CASE CLOSED!
Also, note: sweaters are not this families look.
The Final Dates: Lindzi vs. Courtney
Time Out #4
Questions, comments and concerns for Lindzi (... the F@#$?)
1. Why do you look so wind blown?
2. What is that yellow thing hanging from your coat? Confused.
3. This method of skiing. This is not for lovers.
Time Out #5
1. We like Lindzi's accessories!
2. We really want to make out with someone, but not whisper THANK YOU right after.
Coming up ... Courtney you've got a mad case of the shining face. Control that shine. For goodness sakes, this is the finale.
This time out has been brought to you by:
Time Out #6
1. Ben is looking a little too Ellen Degeneres
2. We feel bad for the poor lowly intern who had to throw together that shitty scrapbook Courtney gives Ben.
3. The card, too long winded. He is obviously bored.
4. Lindzi must be feeling pretty, pretty bad right now. Has she never seen The Bachelor before? You always bring a gift!
5. Courtney is also breaking out, note to self: never go to Switzerland as the air appears to be harsh on the skin.
6. Dear Ben, if you are frustrated now in this fantasy situation you're in for a world of hurt later.
7. THOSE SUSPENDERS!
8. And what are these bells? This is far from the Sound of Music.
Time Out #7
1. Lindzi severely under dressed for her morning shot, Courtney severely over dressed.
2. Are capes some insane tradition in Switzerland upon engagement? ...the f$#@?
3. Ben, where is your cape?
4. If we hear "this woman" one more time ...
5. Note: forgive us if these people really aren't in Switzerland. It is a guess we decided to run with ...
The Reveal - Lindzi loses
1. Do you know what you look like?
2. Your cape doesn't even match your dress.
3. Hair = cone head
4. Ben you are just blathering on trying to fill the allotted time, this is painful
Lindzi, it's time to put that cape back on and go have a cry.
Again, why do these people suddenly all have acne? The stress?! This altitude?!
The Reveal - Courtney Wins. Ben loses.
1. Nobody is happy for you. Not even Chris Harrison.
2. Lose these dominatrix gloves. How will he place that ring on there?
3. She just reacted like she won an Oscar.
4. We suspect he is wearing the same suit he proposed to Ashley in.
5. More importantly what was that big camouflage box and where did it go. Is this ABC trying to resurrect Lost?
6. For the happiest people in the world, you look slightly miserable. Who ever wrote this script dropped the ball.
The END.
Post Game Analysis. After the Final Rose.
Chris Harrison is wearing what appears to be his very own, special Neil Lane diamond encrusted, woman's engagement ring. Whether he stole it from Courtney or Kate Middleton is yet to be determined. Stay tuned.
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