Don't get us wrong; over here at the Pretty Pretty Bang Bang HQ we love Instagram. We, like all other iPhone users under the age of 29 years, use Instagram to capture any and all of our day-to-day visual ramblings.
Why do we use Instagram? Easy, because we are bored narcissists; why else do we participate in any form of social media, really? We tell ourselves it is in order to keep up-to-the-minute and to reconnect with friends and acquaintances from our pasts. Um, false. We are merely trying to demonstrate to the world just how cool we look wearing bright lipstick and enormous sunglasses when captured at precisely the right angle.
Now, true to inimitable PPBB form, we will describe to you the ways in which we experience Instagram:
Please note: most sample Instagrams are taken directly from our feeds and personal snaps.
Instalove
1. Obviously we adore it when celebs open up their lives to us with social media through carefully curated personal images. It is an attempt to take their public image into their own incapable hands and have us share in the lavishness of it all. We’ve also developed a cagey obsession with catching celeb mid Instagram (i.e. Busy Phillips and Michelle Williams at the Oscars. Cute!)
2. Our mundane everyday objects look freaking cool!
"Holy shit this grilled cheese looks fucking gourmet! Instagram it!"
read: I am so cultured I could die. Just take in my superior gastronomic pursuits.
3. When strangers like our photos we feel so much more popular and artistic. Generally, when this happens one of the following thoughts cross these pretty little minds:
a. "I must really be tapping into a subculture of cool with this cute photo of my cat!"
b. "This is fucking profound"
c. "People must really like Tintin!"
4. If you take the time to hash tag a large scale happening, say a concert or sporting event, you can instantly examine, nay judge, how hundreds or thousands are experiencing the exact same thing. This is actually pretty darn cool and occasionally hilarious.
5. Catching fellow users on the subway trying to conceal the fact they follow those tantalizing feeds featuring exclusively shirtless males. You know who you are. These tasty samples come to you courtesy of Boiznoize.
Instahate
1. Facebook owns it. This isn’t the end of the world or anything, we just feel slightly indignant towards Mark Zuckerberg taking over the universe and all the social media we currently utilize. Although have noticed zero change since aforementioned acquisition and we are fully annoyed that we now can’t just tap twice to like something on Facebook. Also so far your Instagrams are the worst, get it together Zucky.
2. You feel totally shitty about yourself when no one likes your picture. Let’s face it, there is nothing sadder than when you are forced to ask your bestie to “like” your photo in an attempt to save face. A recent post of a formerly impressive sock bun is getting ZERO traction and we can’t understand what went wrong.
3. If we see someone Instagram another picture of macaroons or a Starbucks cup consider it an insta-defollow. Nothing personal, these are not new discoveries and it’s hard to make them look interesting. Why you insist on cluttering my innocent feed is beyond comprehension.
4. Serious FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out). It’s a total knife through the heart to see your friends hanging out without you. Particularly since X-pro II has made them look so damn amazing while doing so. Cue depression.
5. When you and your buddy quite literally Instagram the same thing/occurrence and every last mutual acquaintance you have likes their picture first. Chalk this one up to life just not being that fair. (See below for real life example. Lauren: 6 likes 3 comments, Caitlin: 0 likes 0 comments.)
So there you have it, we accept instagram in all its favours and faults. In the immortal words of Tim Riggins: “Let's make some memories."
Also please follow us on instagram @c_wils @hartla
Self-lovingly yours,
Us
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